The Zelda Project Brucie Bonus: Twilight Princes HD

Today we're going to be looking at a game released in 2006 where you play as a hero reincarnated as a wolf with a sassy sidekick bringing light back into a world newly covered in darkness by some weird curse.

Totally this game. This one. With the wolf

Yes, I'm of course talking about Okami, a hugely underrated gem from 2006, where you play as Amaterasu, the Japanese goddess of light reincarnated as a white wolf returned to Earth to save the world from darkness. You use this magical brush to wipe out enemies, restore life to Earth, and other magical feats. It's a stunning cel-shaded game with this really distinct Japanese inspired art style. I picked it up immediately after it launched after I saw a preview for it on X-Play, which was at the time my favorite TV show because I was a loser. I had never seen anything else that looked like it, and...

Wait...something's not right. This isn't a Zelda game. It's one of those "Like Zelda, but..." games, in the vein of Darksiders, Beyond Good and Evil, and Similar but Distinctly Different from Zelda: The Game. Sorry, I meant Oceanhorn: Monster of Uncharted Sea.

Original character, do not steal

Those aren't Zelda games. Zelda games don't have weird animal gimmicks. Lets start this proper. *Ahem*

Wait, what's that wolf thing?

So this has a wolf thing too? Well, at least you guys can hopefully understand the confusion. Also, I'm sure these jokes would have worked much better in a video. Regardless, in 2006 there was ANOTHER adventure game where you play as a hero turned into a wolf with a sassy sidekick saving the world from darkness. This one is a little more well known because people actually, y'know, played it. Only like two people I know personally, but I'm sure this game has more than dozens of fans like Okami does. It's an odd mistress, this one, because while it was originally developed for the ill fated, low selling Nintendo GameCube, it was re-purposed to be released on their new console, the Nintendo Revolution Wii. And despite being originally slated to come out on the GameCube, it actually came out on the Wii BEFORE it got a GameCube release. Heralded as a glorified update of Ocarina of Time, this game is rated incredibly high among critics and fans alike. And I have but one question: Why?

At The Time/Background

Lets just get this out in the open: the Wii is a console for kids that had maybe four games worth anyone's time, all of which were about Mario and none of which were about the awful "innovation" that motion controls brought along with it. It's the real reason that Nintendo has garnered the reputation of only making games for children while all the grown up gamers have taken their Dorito dusted fingers over to other console. Yes, Wii Sports was fun the first couple times I played it. Yes, even my Grandma played the Wii. And games should be fun; there is no limit to when a gamer should start playing games nor is there such a thing as being too old for them. All I'm saying is that the Wii was and forever will be a gimmick console that sold on gimmicks alone and barely had a library to back it up. The Wii sold gangbusters despite itself (being nearly $200 cheaper than your competition will do that), with it's awful, vaguely racist marketing, it's lackluster library of shovelware games like Ninjabread Man, Chicken Shoot, and Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, and an absolutely abysmal third-party game selection. Seriously, if you wanted any of the "Big AAA Gaming" titles that came out between 2005-2010 you were shit out of luck if you only had a Wii. Want to play Skyrim? How about an Assassin's Creed game? Maybe you want to play Batman: Arkham Asylum? Better save up that allowance and get yourself an Xbox 360 kid, because Bethesda, Rocksteady, and Ubisoft aren't playing that motion control bullshit.

Now despite my complete distaste for motion controls and my lack of respect for the console as a whole, the Wii does have a very small, very particular library of games I like. Super Mario Galaxy is my favorite 3D Mario game, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is about as close to a good FPS as you'll get on the console, Super Smash Bros Brawl is the only game I even wanted for my Wii, and New Super Mario Bros Wii is fun, I guess. But the Wii my family owned was used more for Wii Fit and Wii Bowling than anything else. This led me to using my own "I've got a job now, I'm a big boy" money to buy myself an Xbox 360. That's right, for the second generation in a row, I was a traitor to my preference, deciding that a $300 console was much more affordable to a part time pizza boy than my precious Playstation loyalty and the $600 price tag that came with it. And despite my immense hatred for Microsoft, the price had me swayed swayed.

I didn't want to upgrade, and for a few years I didn't. But I played Assassin's Creed  and was convinced that the future was here. I needed to leave my PS2 behind and devote myself to the next wave of great games. I convinced my mom to get a Gamefly account, and played games for DAYZ. Dead Rising, Alan Wake, Gears of War, Call of Duty, Halo 3, Fable 2. The days of my kiddie games were over, and once Rock Band came out, it was all over. Nintendo had lost the war for me. So, did I miss out with this one?

In The Beginning

We open to a scene of Link on horseback riding around Hyrule field. Seems a bit familiar, does it not? Maybe, in playing all of these Zelda games, we have ourselves traveled back in time to Ocarina of Time and are witnessing what it actually looked like underneath those limited N64 textures.

When you start the game up, we are greeted to a cutscene of you talking to some horribly disfigured man about how at night you can feel spirits. After that really weird, one-sided conversation, this guy tells you he was supposed to deliver something to Hyrule Castle. But apparently he can't go and asks you to go in his place. You silently agree, and leave to your house. You awaken the next day, and go wrangle some goats because this is a Zelda game after all, and what would a Zelda game be without...goat...wrangling.

Something seems off here, am I sure this is the right game? Yes? Okay...

So, you wrangle the goats, go home again and...go to sleep?? You wake up to find four horribly disfigured children outside your house talking about a slingshot.

Jesus Christ, did they go through a wood chipper?

You go buy it, stop a goat from escaping, get a wooden sword and a fishing rod, and then get magically transported into a dark dimension by some weird hand that pulls you into a wall of darkness. You are then transformed into a wolf, locked in a jail cell, and left to die.

Some imp named Midna shows up to make fun of you because she is mean. She calls you a baka and tells you that she doesn't really want to help you get out of prison (despite leading you out herself), escape back to the light dimension (even though she helps you do it), or save your own world (even though she is going to). You escape prison, fight some stuff and travel back into the light dimension. Despite this, you are still a wolf. A Fairy Goddess beckons you and tells you to collect Tears of Light, which will restore her to her earthly being at which point she will reverse your curse and turn you back into a person. You do this and she does what she says she's going to do, at which point Midna informs you that all your friends are dead or will die unless you stop the twilight realm from bleeding into the "real" world. To do so, you must restore the goddesses, beat the bosses, collect the Master Sword, the sword of evils bane! (again) and save your entire world.

The Quest

Your job now is to guide Midna to gain the fuse shadows to remake...something. I'm still not really sure, it's like a helmet that unleashes her godlike powers? Anyway, you do this and then get attacked by Zant, the baddie for this round of adventures. He takes your fuse shadow shards, turns you back into a wolf and curses Midna in an attempt to kill her. She tells you to get to Zelda

You run to Hyrule Castle in a desperate attempt to safe her. You reach Zelda and she recognizes you as the bearer of the Tri-Force of Courage. She saves Midna's life and points you in the direction of the Master Sword, which will break the curse keeping you a wolf, and the Mirror of Twilight, the only thing that can stop Zant and his brand of dark magic.

Once you get to the ruined Temple of Time (yeah, call backs baby), you are met with an admittedly difficult puzzle, a first for the Zelda franchise. Once inside, you retrieve the sword, transform, and set off for the mirror. Except...the mirror is broken. And the pieces are scattered across Hyrule spreading evil. The power is corrupting the world around it.

You venture into the desert, going into an absolutely awesome dungeon with a sweet gimmick involving the new Spinner weapon. You grind on rails and hop across gaps to other tracks. It's really neat and I wish it came up more in the game.

After that, you catch a fish and follow an Abominable Snow Beast to his...mansion? With his...sick wife. What the hell happened to this game? Anyway, you go to this mansion because he has a mirror shard in their room. He goes to make soup while his wife sits on the couch sick. She sends you all over the mansion, not really remembering where her room is, until she suddenly remembers. Along the way you get a Ball and Chain which is the greatest weapon in the history of video games. Do you know how awesome it is to bowl over a bunch of enemies with a giant wrecking ball? It's amazing.

Anyway, she leads you into her room, looks in the mirror, and she get's corrupted. You fight her and feel really bad because she is cute and adorable and you hit her with a giant wrecking ball.

You return to the ruined Temple of Time, where reinserting the sword brings out a mystical stairway that takes you through a beautiful temple filled with fun puzzles and these weird bells throughout the stage. What are these for? Well, when you ascend the temple to the tippy top, you get a rod that allows you to give life to statues. You use the bells to transport them to lower levels. You fight a giant spider, smashing it with the statues around it. It's neat

Once you leave this temple, your abomination of a companion Ooccoo tells you that your staff was supposed to have the ability to fly to the land in the sky.

Just look at that hideous beast

This is where the game decides it needs to be longer and adds a fetch quest. The game has you collect things to jog the memory of your friend Ilia, the least awful looking human model in the game. You go to a doctor to deliver a bill (yes, really), you smell a spot in a room to track down a stick (yes, really), and you go to an abandoned village to meet an old lady who has been waiting for you her entire life. She gives you a thing, you touch a statue, you go find 6 more statues, you collect letters from the ancient Hylian alphabet (yes, REALLY), and then finally, FINALLY you find a cannon. You launch yourself into the sky and become knock-off Spider-Man when you get two clawshots and fling yourself across the skies.

You put the mirror together, go to the twilight realm, touch some stuff, fight Zant and then...well, you know how this goes. Tri-Force, Ganon, the Hylian Gods. It's just the same old thing that it has been for the past five games. Then it's over. Yep. It's that anticlimactic


Lets just talk about the dungeons I guess. There's a lot of them. The first three or so are super unmemorable and I hate them. The latter dungeons are cooler with cool items that don't follow the whole Forest Temple, Fire Temple, Water Temple template that all Zelda games ever follow. But these first few are a total chore. That's why I didn't bother touching on them during the quest recap, they're just...nothing. Weightless, even more so than the dungeons in past games. They introduce mechanics that are used maybe once afterwards. I don't even remember the bosses, which if there's a level where I forget the boss fight, it was a bust.

The forgetability of the first few bosses is a real bummer because once you get to the Yeti House, the boss battles that follow are great. Starting with the ball and chain guard in a cramped hallway, the game's creativity for these fight ramps up tenfold. And yes, that's how boss battles in games should work; you start easy and get progressively harder. But since the difficulty curve of this game never really goes beyond "better keep a fairy in a jar just in case!", the game suffers from most of them just not being interesting. But yeah, ice temple and beyond just has cool gimmicks for the fights and just the right amount of tension. The final fight in particular, while clunky because they still haven't gotten controls for Epona working all that great, does feel like a final fight. It's grandiose. Unfortunately it does feel like a rehash and that you've been cheated out of something because well...the main bad guy is just a pawn. They pull the ol' switcharoo on you with maybe an hour left in the game and just kind of dump Zant on the curb. And while I didn't think Zant was anything special in terms of character, it was nice to have someone different for a change.

Five of the six game we've played for this have had Ganon as the final encounter. That's not really a problem. It's not even really a problem that they do the switcharoo if it's done right, like it was in Link to the Past. But here, it's just seems lazy. Like the developers decided Zant just couldn't carry the game on his own. There's so little build besides a few throwaway lines about "the power", which are highlighted in bold so they must be an allusion to Ganon. It just seems cheap and I don't like it. It would be different if like, the twist was that Ganon was the main bad guy and Zant was the puppet master in the end, because that's sort of unexpected. Or if you fought Zant, then Ganon, then an even MORE powerful version of Zant. Just something outside of the typical stuff would have been welcome for me. And it's not because I dislike the Zelda formula by any means; I've played through and (mostly) enjoyed 5 of these games that follow this story pattern. It has nothing to do with it being over done or stale. It's just that when you promise something different, and then just go back to the old story at the end it feels like they were afraid to stray. As if they didn't just make a game where you play as a wolf for 40% of it in a series who's previous game looked like a Pixar movie gave birth to that kids show about the pirates

This one. I didn't know the name, I had to google it.

The Criticism

Jesus, where do we begin.

For starters, this game is UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGLY. Even for the time and even with the "update", the models are absolutely hideous. What Wind Waker did to improve the visuals Twilight Princess has successfully erased just as fast. Link is about the only appealing model in the game. From the townsfolk to the Gorons, this has the worst visual style I've seen since I saw Food Fight.

And I know this whole project I've been like "Oh man, get dark Zelda. Let's have some consequence in the fight for the fate of the world" but you can be dark and not be bleak. Look at Link to the Past. I know I complained that the world shouldn't be purple, but I'll take a nice colourful "dark world" with some more evil atmosphere in music and tone over...well, this.

It's just all bloom and drab colours drowned out with more bloom. Link to the Past at least has the excuse of being limited by the 16-bit system's palate and capabilities. This is just bleak. You could argue it's a stylistic choice; the real world isn't sunshine and rainbows after all. But if you go that route, it's a choice I didn't enjoy and don't approve of.

Storywise, it is darker than all of the other Zelda games except maybe Majora's Mask, and that opinion depends on which side of the "Game Theory" you sit about the game being about coping with death. But even if this IS the darkest of the games, then it undercuts it's own serious points. I don't want to talk too much about them to avoid spoiling things for people who haven't played, but there is some "death" in this game that just...isn't really death. The consequences disappear as fast as they show up. And I don't mean like in Dragon Ball where they just get wished back to life. It's one of those "oh, that? No, they're fine now" types of situations. And when it happened I was like "Oh shit, this is what I'm talking about!" But one dungeon later and they're back, fine, and everything is just swept under the rug. That's bullshit.

There is some imagery that I guess could be considered creepy, but really it's just ugly. There's a lot of "nope" in this game, but not for the conventional reasons of being a nope. Let me try to explain what I mean: Jump scares are nope worthy. Horrifying tension is nope worthy. Inevitable challenge can be nope worthy. An overweight male clown running a cannon shop in a tube top is not worthy of nope status, but because of how it looks it becomes a nope. It's nope because it's gross and ugly, not because it's dark or foreboding.

*fearful screeching*

And I probably come off as some edge lord talking about how the game should be darker; and a hypocrite for complaining that the world is bleak and lacks any interesting colour or imagery. But it is about a world of darkness taking over the light world. Actual, literal darkness is threatening to overtake the entire planet. So forgive me for being upset that the worlds themselves are all boring but this game has a girl who has no friends who lives in a castle and invites bugs to hang out with her. It has moments of fun and colourful wonder that have always helped keep the Zelda franchise appealing. This lacks most of them. And in this case, you can't have both. They don't balance here and I'm not even sure Nintendo could have balanced them if they tried.

What's that? The musician hasn't mentioned the games soundtrack once? Maybe it's because there is none to speak of? The intro title song and Hyrule Field are good, but the rest when they show up are just rehashes of older songs. And minus the boss music when you fight a dragon (by the way, you fight a dragon), none of it feels grand or epic. In fact, when the music is prominent, it's annoying; like when you use the canon or when you find the Ooccoo in a dungeon. I am not a fan.

What I AM a fan of, however, is the combat system. It flows so well this time around you'd almost think it was designed to be an evolution of the games that came before it and not some silly motion control garbage. Throughout your adventure, you find these howling stones that let you howl and summon a golden wolf. You find said wolf in human form to learn new fighting techniques. And they are awesome. They make the combat so much more engaging and give you a ton of options. The finishing blow brings the down-stab from Zelda 2 and Super Smash Bros fame and puts it in a game people actually want to play. It gives you tactical advantages against shielded or armored enemies. You can easily get around enemies that are always guarding from the front. You can stun enemies that give you a hassle. And you have options to reduce hordes when you get surrounded. And then there's mortal draw, which deals only death. It makes you feel so unbelievably powerful that I can't believe they didn't think to have this in a game before it. Some of this was probably done to accommodate for the motion controls, and does make the game a fair bit easier than it probably should be. But it's fun. And I'll take fun and functional over frustrating and boring.

And this is in a Zelda game! Not a dungeon crawler, or a Gauntlet game where that kind of thing is the norm. It fantastic and needs to be built upon. More combo choices I say! More fighting mechanics! I just want more!

A lot of the new items you get do end up being really cool, if less than practical more often then not. The Spinner is a really neat item that literally is only used three times. THREE TIMES. The Dominion Rod is introduced to take the place of the mind control song from Wind Waker, but it is used in one dungeon and to solve a fetch quest. It's talked up like it's going to be useful, and that it's a rod that grants flight, but it does...nothing. The Ball and Chain is the most empowering weapon ever created and you can't help but feel like a complete badass whenever you use it. It is slow, but man when you hit something, it's not getting back up.

The real shine for the items is on the dual hookshot, that lets you be less cool Spider-Man. You can climb the unclimbable, scale the unscalable, and fight a goddamn dragon in the sky. It's the best item in the game and makes it go from an average game to a slightly above average game.

And with that, I guess that's it. Twilight Princess is just alright. It's far from bad, even if I don't make it sound that way. But after the other games that all caught me and hooked me, this one just couldn't do the same. There's something about the whole atmosphere of the game is just off to me. It lacks...something that the other games had. It's hard to put my finger on exactly why I couldn't get into this, but I just couldn't. It could be because this game is significantly longer than the previous entries, nearly doubling the time of Wind Waker, a game I also complained was not long enough. It could be because the first half of the game leaves a lot to be desired as far as dungeon design. It could be because the visuals are a huge turnoff to me. It could be because the story is much more invasive this time around. That was a problem that I had with Wind Waker but to a much smaller degree. The game didn't stop me after each dungeon to go on a monologue about why this is important and how important Link is. It felt like the worst parts of a Christopher Nolan movie, where the game tries to tell you what you're doing is super important instead of just letting you feel it. Majora's Mask did this right with the moon being a symbol for the fate of the world. When the castle gets sealed away by magic in this one, it has a hint of that story telling approach, but at that point it's too little too late.

Overall, big picture, this is the worst of the Zelda games I have played for the series. Not nearly as bad as Adventures of Link, but not on the level of the others. I love Link's design, I love the combat system, and I learned to love Midna. The last couple of dungeons are fun and a couple of the characters are charming. But on the whole, I didn't enjoy this. It does the usual 3D Zelda trend where the first 3/4 of the game is a boring pain in the ass, and then the last 1/4 is good. But this is 25 hours of tedium and boredom for 5 hours of quality content and that is just not okay for me. It was a chore; a hurdle to jump over to get to the final stop on the Zelda Project train. Arbitrary rating of 5 out of 10. Sorry fans of the game, I just didn't like it. As the inside joke between my friends goes: I'm a little gay. But not as gay as Twilight Princess.

So we've come to the end, ladies and gentlemen. The big one is next. And, as I write this, I've put in about 20 hours and have next to nothing to show for it; and trust me when I say that that is not a bad thing for once. It's what kept this review waiting. It's what this whole project was supposed to build to back in March. I don't care that it took me this long to get to it because I'm addicted, and we'll see how this plays out. Breath of the Wild is here and the next time your eyes and this site meet, I'll be reviewing it.

The Zelda Project Part 5: The Wind Waker

Zelda: I'm On A Boat Edition

So, over the course of this project, I have banged on about three things constantly; 3D Zelda games look like poop, the story in Zelda needs to get a darker edge, and I hate water levels in video games. So you would think that this cartoon-y, childish, bright, happy game about sailing the high seas in search of your sister would be my most hated thing ever.

You would be wrong.

I absolutely love this game. Every single thing about it fills me with joy and happiness. I look at this game the way that most Zelda fans look at Ocarina of Time. This is generally considered the black sheep of the 3D Zelda lineage, especially when it came out. It was a game taken in a different direction art-wise for the series. While the previous two games had gone for a..."realistic" look with their visuals, this one was on the total opposite spectrum. I would fashion a guess that at least one of the reasons this game ended up looking like an interactive cartoon is because at that point in the console generation, graphical capabilities had not come very far. Yes, the graphics of early 6th Gen consoles looked sharper, but even with the shift to the Nintendo GameCube, the tech just wasn't there yet. Towards the end of that console generations cycle, we finally pushed the power of the hardware to it's limits. But it took until late 2004 to get anything even closely resembling real life. Take a look at these caps of Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem from 2002 compared to Resident Evil 4 from 2005

 

The increase in texture and detail is a huge leap for the technological side of games. And much like today, the early 2000's gaming medium was normally more concerned with something that looked good first and had good gameplay to back it up second. The gaming public wanted something that looked good, which is understandable. From the jumps in Intellivision games to what the N64 could do, each generation of consoles was supposed to bring its own revolution in the visual department. I don't have anything to back up this assumption of hardware limitation being the reason for the shift, but I did do a little research to figure out why they went with this art style. To most gamers, this is probably common knowledge, but this was all new to me. So here's what I found:

In 2000, Nintendo released a demo video hyping the GameCube that featured a clip of Link fighting Ganon. And it was in a "realistic" art style in the vein of  Ocarina of Time, but hugely improved in terms of texture and facial detail. It didn't show much, but it was enough to make viewers pee their pants. But somewhere along the way, the development team felt they had done all that they could with this style and needed something fresh. So they utilized a cel-shaded graphical engine that was initially protested by fans, but honestly has made it hold up so much better than it's contemporaries both in the Zelda franchise and among other titles released at the time. While games like Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Halo, and Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem now look incredibly dated, they still have solid gameplay that has stood the test of time. But Wind Waker is stylized and has aged like fine wine and has even tighter gameplay than any of it's predecessors.

At The Time/Background

This game came out in 2003. If we look back to the other entries in this project, you can see that by this point I was burnt out of games. A lot of stuff had happened in my young personal life that derailed a lot of my interests. But something caught my eyes around this time. A little game called Super Smash Bros. Melee. At this point, stores like GameStop had shown up around my tiny town that introduced me to a whole new world of gaming. I was no longer alone in my interests. In addition I started getting a magazine called Tips and Tricks, which had been running for nearly a decade before I got my hands on an issue and convinced my mom to get me a subscription. 

For those too young to remember, video games used to have cheat codes. It was a magical time filled with infinite ammo, invisibility, and big head modes. And it's a time I truly miss. Tips and Tricks not only had cheats for almost every game out at the time, but it also had full page spreads on what was coming out soon. AND tips on the games themselves. One particular issue had a 5 page spread on this new entry in the Smash Bros franchise; how to unlock all of the characters, the arenas in the game, and techniques to beat the adventure mode. This was my gateway into seeing who was in the sequel to the N64 game I played more than any other in my library. I was stoked for it.

So, for Christmas that year I asked my family for a GameCube, so I could have the new Smash Bros game. I dropped hints all over the place; asking and begging repeatedly. And finally Christmas 2002 happens and I get...a PlayStation 2. In hindsight, this was probably the best thing that could have happened because the PS2, in my personal opinion, is the greatest system ever released. It was the console that rejuvenated my interest and actually made me care about video games not only as mindless entertainment, but as an art form and a platform as viable as print or film. I was bummed at first about not getting the GameCube, but after I also opened WWF SmackDown: Shut Your Mouth, and later saved up money to buy Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (my absolute favorite game of all time), the thought of owning a GameCube went away. Sure, there were glimmers of lust still remaining; playing the demos for Metroid Prime and Viewtiful Joe at my local Wal-Mart, going to a friends house and being introduced to Animal Crossing, and occasionally getting to play Super Smash Bros. Melee at Sam's Club. They all enticed me, but for nearly a decade the little system that could alluded my grasp.

Then college came about and everyone in college plays Super Smash Bros. So I got the itch to play again. Eventually I bought myself a GameCube and at present I trying to build up my collection of the games I always wanted to play but missed out on. But even after I got the system, I never had the urge to buy Wind Waker. Instead, I decided to wait and get it once I bought my Wii U. At the time I purchased the system, Nintendo was running a deal where you could pick one of four games for free with the purchase of Mario Kart 8, a game I had intended to buy at launch. You could choose between Nintendo Land, Pikman 3, Wii U Party, or Wind Waker HD. So the choice was obvious. I added Wind Waker to my meager library of games for the new console. And instead of playing it, I played The Wonderful 101 (which is hugely underrated and should be played by everyone). It got put in my backlog with hundreds of others. I figured I'd get to it eventually, or at least try it after I played the copy of Super Metroid I bought on the virtual console 378 times.

At any rate, after the torture that was playing Zelda 2 and my original agony playing Ocarina of Time, I was ready to give up on the franchise for good. But against my jaded judgement, I fired up Wind Waker HD and I fell in love.

In The Beginning

For the first time since Link To The Past, this game starts out with a text scroll setting the stage for the state of Hyrule. Except, this time...Hyrule isn't really there. After the Hero of Time defeated Ganon, he disappeared. Unfortunately for the kingdom, Ganon came back to terrorize them once more. The people of Hyrule wait for the Hero to return, but he never does. Defeated, the people pray to their Gods to save them and the world. The Gods respond by flooding and drowning Hyrule. That'll show him! It will also kill everyone, but hey...no more Ganon, right? Well, the survivors now hand down this legend of the hero of time by dressing all boys on these islands in Link cosplay when they come to a certain age.

So we start on Outset Island, sleeping in your lobster pajamas on a crows nest overlooking the ocean. Your sister Aryll comes to wake you up and tell you that Grandma is looking for you. It's your birthday! Yay! You run home and Grandma makes you put on the Link cosplay. The game then goes on to joke about how they are impractical and hot for a summer-like island. Once you go back outside, you see a giant bird carrying some girl. The bird is being chased by pirates that shoot it, causing the girl to fall from it's large talons into a forbidden forest.

So you grab a sword and go to save her. You get to her just as the pirates arrive and announce her as their fearless captain Tetra. You all leave the forest only to see the bird fly back. With horror, you witness this huge bird swoop down and grab your sister. You chase after the bird and nearly fall to your death jumping after it. A Rito Postman blames the pirates for leading the bird to the island, kidnapping Aryll, and disrupting your quite village. This successfully guilt trips Tetra into letting Link come aboard her ship in an effort to rescue his sister. So you grab a shield, say goodbye to Grandma, and get on the boat.

You head for the Forsaken Fortress, the haven for the bird and the center for a dark presence. You get close to rescuing your sister but also see other girls with pointy ears, something alluded to earlier by the Postman. Then the bird finds you and takes you to the peak of the fortress. And you see him...Ganondorf. He has you dropped into the ocean to die.

The Quest

But then you awake on a talking boat. Yeah, that's right. A talking boat. He's the King of Red Lions, and I imagine him being voiced by Sean Connery. He leads you on your journey, which spans all across the vast uncharted ocean. He says that, despite not sharing the lineage of the Hero of Time, you would need courage that rivals the hero's to stand up to Ganondorf and save your sister. Your boat says that to defeat him, you would need to collect three pearls that open up access to a weapon capable of defeating evil. If you've followed thus far in this project, you can see where this is going. You collect the three pearls, open up the Tower of The Gods and find the weapon it houses: The Master Sword, the sword of evils bane (again again)!

With the Master Sword in tow, you return to the Forsaken Fortress to confront Ganondorf and rescue your sister! You climb to the top tower, defeat the bird that had thrown you to your death, rescue your sister, and confront your nemesis. Unfortunately, he informs you that when you pulled the sword from the stone, you unlocked the hold it had on his magical powers. Just as all seems lost, the Rito Postman, one of the pearl holders, and Tetra all come to your aid to rescue you from eminent death.

You are then taken back to the Tower of the Gods with Tetra. The King of Red Lions reveals himself to be The King of Hyrule and reveals that Tetra is Zelda. He then sends you to search out the sages of the land to restore the power to the Master Sword. In addition, you need to collect the remaining shards of the Tri-Force (a task you can start nearly immediately after rescuing Tingle). You are sent to two separate islands, where you are met with an obstacle to get into each. And after you get the items that grants you access, you need to then get the replacement sages because...well...the original ones are dead. Finally, you have to go and get the sage and bring them to these islands to open the dungeons.

After you've gone through the dungeons, restored the sages, restored the power to the Master Sword, and collected the Tri-Force shards, it's time for the big challenge; Ganon's Tower.

You return to the Tower of the Gods and you're greeted to Ganondorf mocking you. You break the seal separating the castle from Hyrule Field and trek to Ganon's Tower. You make your ways through the halls, defeating enemies and solving the final few puzzles. Then, it's time.

The fight with Ganondorf is awesome. It's for sure the hardest boss battle in the game and one of the most visually satisfying fights I've experienced in a while. It's fast and furious, and features what has to be his coolest design thus far in the series, this time wielding dual swords and pulling off flippy shit. The ending is one of the most sudden, intense moments I've seen in a game in a long time.

You are then told that Hyrule will remain drowned under the ocean and that it is up to you to find a new land and start anew. So you sail off into the sunset, looking for your new kingdom to put trains on someday.

Choo-Choo! Hero of Trains coming through!

The Criticism

You know, I really hope that someday the Zelda franchise learns how to program targeting. Zero Punctuation likes to poke fun at this, but for real, even in a 2012 HD remake, the game's targeting is still as clunky and dysfunctional as it was for the N64.

The HD remaster also adds bloom effects EVERYWHERE. I've gone back and looked at the GameCube version and the graphics looked fine. The bloom is really unnecessary and really takes me out of some parts of the game; anything with a sky box is just drowned out with bloom.

It was also disappointing to only have two REAL dungeons in this game. There are maybe six total if you count ones that don't have the word "temple" or "dungeon" in it. If you include the ones that don't, that's still only six; perhaps standard fare for the past 3D games, but this is a next gen Zelda game. And for a game that feels as big as this one does, there should definitely be more. Maybe this is a personal complaint because to me it didn't derail the pace or anything, I just expected it to last longer. And to be honest, it might be the same length as the other games; it might just be because I trudged through Ocarina and Majora's but I actually really, REALLY enjoyed this one and wanted it to keep going. From start to finish, I was hooked and couldn't stop playing; as opposed to the last two, where I thought they were boring until the third act.

I will say that the Tri-Force shard collection feels a bit too much like filler for my tastes, but I do think it still adds to the whole "going on a treasure hunt" thing the game is going for. So in that regard, I guess it works. It also just feels like things were cut out of it. Some of the progression items in the game are literally just handed to you, like the third pearl to unlock the Tower of The Gods. I feel that if Nintendo actually included a couple more dungeons I would look at this section with a little more positivity. But having a shorted game isn't the end of the world; in fact at this point in my life, I welcome shorter games. But I still feel there could have been so much more done with the world they created with this title and it wouldn't have overstayed it's welcome

However, the annoying gimmick from the Earth and Wind temples certainly DID overstay it's welcome. The only two real dungeons have this mechanic where you have to use a song to take over a companion and use them to help solve puzzles. It's awful, mostly because it's time consuming to whip out your Wind Waker, play the song, then send the character to do his part, then do your part. It's tedious and it sucks that it's in back to back dungeons.

Beyond that, Wind Waker has by far the least challenging boss battles in the franchise thus far, with only Ganondorf and the boss from the Wind Temple being at all interesting or hard. It's a very easy game when all is said and done, and aside from literally one puzzle (involving a mechanic the game never bothers to teach you about), I didn't look anything up.

So, before some positives, lets talk about the differences in the HD version. Most of it is minor, but I'll still cover them. For one, the way you get the Tri-Force shards has been streamlined and is much, MUCH cheaper and faster. Before, you had to find eight charts, all of which you had to pay Tingle to decipher. Then you had to use the charts to find the eight shards. Now there are three charts, and five shards right off the bat. It's a little weird that they didn't just put only the shards, but I guess since Tingle was already in the game, they still wanted him to have a purpose. There's also a little icon under you when you use Deku Leaf that shows where you land, which would have been useful in Majora's Mask with the Deku Scrub's ability. And, probably the most important improvement, you can get the Swift Sail, an item that speeds up how fast you sail the ocean and changes the wind as you turn.

So, this game has a lot of pretty glaring flaws. It's easy, it's relatively short, it's a bit samey...why do I like it so much compared to (arguably) better games in the series? For starters, part of what I love about this game (that I guess a lot of people don't) is the sailing. The ocean is beautiful to look at, the music while you sail is inspiring, and it actually feels like an adventure. The ocean is alive, with enemies, storms running through the sea, and new islands to discover everywhere. Is everything as exciting as the main islands? No. But even if Nebraska isn't as exciting as New York, people still live there or pass though for a visit. Who are you to doubt Nebraska?

The point is, the ocean may be vast, but for me, it's anything but boring. Hyrule Field in Ocarina is boring. It's a bunch of empty nothing between main areas. The ocean has so much to offer. And once you get the Swift Sail in the HD version, everything gets even better! You get the excitement of sailing the ocean in half the time AND without having to stop to change the wind direction. For me, it's a perfect compromise; all the positives about sailing with none of the negatives. But, I waited until I was basically done with the game to get it because I just enjoyed the sailing. If I was stretched for time, I used the tornadoes to get close and go from there, which is also a nice compromise because it's an ability that you can get right as sailing would wear thin for the average player. I need to stress this again, the sailing feels epic to me. The feeling of being on a sprawling quest is something that none of the other Zelda games before this one had been able to achieve.

But it's not just the environment that makes this game epic for me; I believe it's also because of the reason you start on your quest. In Ocarina, the Deku Tree is like "Link, go save the world because it's your destiny". In Majora's Mask you save the world because you're the only one with the ability to break curses and heal with the power of music. In Link to the Past, Zelda literally calls you VIA her telekinetic phone powers to tell you she needs YOU to save her. In Wind Waker your sister gets kidnapped, it makes your grandma sad, and you set out to save her. Despite gaining the Master Sword, the King of Red Lions makes it very clear that you do not share the same blood line with the hero of time. You are not the chosen one. So you literally are doing it to save your sister and stop Ganondorf from kidnapping anyone else. And sure, eventually it falls into the standard Zelda game with the dungeons and the princess and the Tri-force, but you EARN your hero status. It's not bestowed upon you because you're a weird fairy boy in a village of elves. You become the hero because you were put in a situation that required your courage. You earn the mantle of the Hero of Winds and that makes this a much more personal journey.

The music in this game is so damn good. Probably my favorite of the series so far. From the moment you fire up the game, hear the song in the opening cutscene, and see the hieroglyphs, the music hits you with gorgeous tones. The intro has pan flute and harpsichords throughout and feels more like suite than just one song, with movements and tonal changes as it goes on. It is mournful and triumphant in waves, detailing the start of your journey. The hub town songs are all a lot of fun, with all of them varying a lot from each other. Outset Island has a whimsical feel to it with light strings, Dragon Roost Island has a flamenco inspired back beat brought together with a pan flute melody over top. The sailing theme, Jesus...this song gets me pumped. It just sounds like what you would hear in your head as you adventure. And yes, it is just the main over world theme re-imagined as this jaunty sailors tune. But it works. The dungeon music is back to being mostly atmospheric and soft, brooding tones, but it works as well.

The combat in this game has been perfected. The options for sword combat are so much easier to pull off this time around, and the new parry system adds both ease and challenge to the game. Timing is difficult, and now that enemies don't just attack one at a time, you have to be on your toes to find who to dodge; if you even want to use that function for defense. Your side arms do more now; you can hookshot directly at an opponent and go to them instead of just stunning them like before. You can target up to five enemies or items with the boomerang, making quick work of enemies that had become tedious in 3D like the bats. And you can also freely move while you aim your bow this time, so you aren't a sitting duck anymore in a fight looking for an enemy all across the rooms. I hope going forward that the games to follow use this combat system as a base, and don't try to implement some weird motion control garbage.

Ths iz joek, plz typ waitris

This Link is by far my favorite Link of the series, and I've seen enough of Twilight Princess and Breath of the Wild to know that my opinion is unlikely to change. Link has always been a vessel for the player to put themselves into, to play as they would play themselves. He's an avatar, and nothing more. But in this game, Link is brimming with personality; something I always felt a narrative heavy series like Legend of Zelda needed. He actually reacts to events around him; his facial and verbal expressions make the experience more personal and enjoyable. I identify with this Link more than I do plank of wood Link from Ocarina of Time. I love that he just falls into being a hero. He exemplifies what Link is supposed to represent within the lore of the series: Courage. Link pulls up his boots and goes out to save his sister, and later Hyrule itself. I mentioned it before, but I like that he's not a chosen hero; he just happened to be at the right place at the wrong time. The power of the Tri-Force is bestowed upon him because he earned it, not because he was told to earn it.

And that's how I feel about this whole game. It is more personal, at least for the first two thirds of the game. The typical Zelda tropes show up in the final act, but by that time I'm already invested in Link and Tetra as characters to care about them falling into a slight monotony. Link's arc of lazy slacker to Hero of Wind is standard storytelling, but the standard exists for a reason and is the first time Nintendo decided to give him a real arc besides being a born hero. It works, and it makes you root for him.

I trudged through the last two games because I started this series and told myself I needed to finish them. By the end, they were good, and in hindsight I'm glad I beat them. Wind Waker on the other hand never felt like a chore. There are some grind heavy sections, most notably the Tri-Force hunt, but it never wore on me. I wanted to keep going and find what awaited me at each island. I filled the sea chart, finished most of the side quests, and at some point I want to revisit and try to do ALL of the side-quests and complete it 100%

Wind Waker hits a sweet spot for me, where it is the perfect length with the right amount of challenge to not be a cake walk, but also not make me stress too much. While I have to admit I don't think it is the best Zelda game, I still think it's my favorite. Unbiased score of an 8 out of 10, but deep down it's perfect for me. I understand why it's a black sheep of the series, but it's the one that so far I've enjoyed the most. It's bright and colourful. It's a joy to look at, to play, and to hear. And the swashbuckling tone makes me wish there were more games like it, not just in the Zelda franchise, but in Triple A gaming as a whole. Indie titles produce games like this all the time, but a big publisher rarely puts out something like this. Something that has a different, non-realistic fantasy look with bright, expressive colours and plenty of wit and charm. It is just a warm, soothing game. And I love it.

Oh, and one more thing. The game about water managed to not have a Water Temple. Take note other Zelda games. That's why this one is better than the rest of you.

Officially, this is where the project ends. This was the final goal, as Skyward Sword and the handheld games just had no appeal to me, at least not at the moment (or ever is Skyward Sword's case). But, there is another...One that I missed that was easier to obtain than I expected, and one that a close friend calls their favorite. As a favor to them for reading though these, and because I had been asked about it one time by a guy on Reddit, there will be one more part to this series. Next time, we have a Brucie Bonus review. By request, I'm going to play something a lot darker in terms of colour, a lot longer, and a lot more Ocarina of Time-y.

The Zelda Project Part 3: Ocarina of Time

Flameshields: Engaged

Alright, let's get this out of the way now. I don't think this is the greatest video game of all time. I don't think it's the best Nintendo game ever. I don't think it's the best N64 game ever. I don't even think it's the best Legend of Zelda game ever. So if any of that bothers you, this is where to stop.

Still here? Good.

This game is fucking great. Amazing even, especially for its time. Ocarina of Time is a master class of gaming. Level design? Off the charts. Music? Jesus Christ in a wood-chipper, it's amazing. Gameplay? Eh...it's aged, but it still works. Visuals? They still look good. Not PC Master Race levels of good, but looking at what else was around at the time, it's INCREDIBLE! I mean, look at Super Mario 64 and then look at Ocarina of Time. 

Those textures, the castle, the skybox. Jesus, it's like looking into the future. And I know, Mario is supposed to be Cartoon-y and this Zelda went for a more realistic approach, but the contrast in the capabilities shown off is still striking. This is what two years of working with what a system can do looks like. And it shows. This game is more polished visually than anything else I have played from the era. 

At The Time/Background

So, I actually have two backgrounds with this one. First, what was I playing in 1998 when Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time came out? Well, I had a Playstation and was playing games like Crash Bandicoot, Spyro The Dragon, and WCW/NWO Thunder. Two of those games were really, REALLY good. And I'll let you decide which ones they were 

Goldberg > Spyro

I didn't own an N64 at the time, nor did I want one. Until I saw the commercial for WCW/NWO Revenge. In case you didn't realize by now, I am a huge wrestling fan. Walking through Toys'R'Us as a kid with the displays of Hollywood Hogan and Goldberg everywhere...I wanted it. Nay, I NEEDED it. I begged my Mom for it for Christmas, but she told me it wasn't for the Playstation. See, I was six at the time, and didn't understand that there was anything other than the system I had. From birth I had a SNES, so it didn't even occur to me that there was something else before. I didn't know what a Sega Genesis was. I had no clue that Game Boys existed. So I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Eventually, when I started going to friends houses, I found out people had other games than I had. I remember playing an N64 for the first time at my friend Ethan's birthday party. I actually got to play WCW/NWO Revenge, And that was the moment I had to have it.

And eventually I got it, along with every wrestling game known to man. But I got my N64 at the tail end of 1999. And by that point, most of the "famous" titles had passed me by. The only non-wrestling games I had were Donkey Kong 64 and Super Smash Bros. The latter was my official introduction to Link, as I've talked about before. He became my main character and I loved him without ever having played the game. Fast forward to college, people start judging me for using Link but having never played a Legend of Zelda game before. And this argument inspires me to play the most iconic game in the history of games.

So I started playing it. I started with what would essentially be my generations starting point. And I played it with all of my friends watching me conquer this trial. And that is where the problems started for me. This next paragraph is going to be a whole bunch of statements, so please bare with me here.

You see, I'm playing this years after playing all of the games I consider the best of all time. And my friends are trying to get me to play a game they all loved that everyone else thinks is better than all of my games. And it's a game they've all played hundreds of times. I've never played a Zelda game or a game like this. The closest is Okami, which I've never finished. So everyone is judging me for not knowing how to do things. Instead of letting me figure out stuff on my own, they're just telling me what to do. Which prevents me from learning the game. Which leads to more judgement. Which leads me to get frustrated because I don't like to be told how to play a game. And then I quit, and decried Legend of Zelda forever.

So I stopped, angry and frustrated. I couldn't do it. I got to the Forest Dungeon boss and quit. Because I didn't learn the mechanic to beat the boss. Because instead of figuring out the mechanic on my own, I was told how to progress and just assumed it was a one time thing like other games do. I didn't understand the Zelda Tropes, and that led to the downfall.

So for the years following, I just used Arin "egoraptor" Hanson's argument for why Ocarina of Time isn't that great from Sequelitis. I figured it was good enough to back up why I didn't like the game. If someone asked for more detail, I would just say I didn't like it and try to leave it at that. The problem with piggybacking off of someone else's opinion is that...well...it's someone else's. No matter how much I claimed to agree with Arin's opinion, I didn't really have a basis other than "this dude I know on the internet doesn't think it's that great, so...neither do I." It's like when someone in your group of friends claims that a restaurant gave them bad service, so you just avoid it. Even though you've tried a bit and thought it tasted alright, but had a bunch of people breathing down your neck saying "Don't you think it's amazing, Dean? Everyone else loves it and everybody can't be wrong! Why are you bad at eating this food?! Just put it in your hand like this."

...Okay, that comparison deteriorated a bit, but my point still stands. I didn't like the game for arbitrary reasons that make me seem like a total snob. But, I digress. Enough background, lets get to this.

In The Beginning

So the game starts off with The Great Deku Tree, the guardian of the forest(?) summoning a fairy named Navi to find the boy with no fairy in the village. The Tree then wants Navi to lead the boy back to him, for he has a message. So Navi get's the boy who, surprise, is you, and leads you to the Tree. The Deku Tree then tells you to get in his mouth and get a stone for him. So you do, and then the Deku Tree tells you he's dying and you have to save the world. Then he dies...and it's kind of awkward. Because like...you just met him, then he dies, and you just sort of walk back to your village and have all of the people accuse you of murder. It's weird.

Anyway, you are sent to meet with Zelda who tells you that the world is totally fucked because a guy named Ganondorf is going to kill everyone and take over the world. The only way to stop him is to open the temple of time and gain the Master Sword, the sword of evil's bane (again)! So you do, and then Ganondorf chases after Zelda and kills you. Game over.

Except it isn't. You wake up in a pool of your own blood water with a guy named Rauru standing over you. He tells you that you've been dead sleeping for seven years. You realize that at some point he slipped some white tights onto your naked child body and are a little disturbed. But he informs you that the world has, indeed, gone to shit while you slept and now it is up to you to fulfill the prophecy and become the Hero of Time. Find the Seven Sages (again), use their power to lock up Ganondorf, and save Hyrule (again)!

That is, of course, the barest of bare bones synopsis of this game, because there is actually a lot going on. This game has a LOT of characters that, while necessary to the plot, would just make this review overly long. Not to mention all of the mask side quests, the Skulltula's side quest, the beans, the pieces of heart...there is a LOT to this game. Hell, we're not just dealing with humans and...not humans anymore. The game introduces new races into the Zelda lore, such as a Gorons and the Gerudos. They also revamp the Zora's, going from making them look like the Creature From The Black Lagoon to looking like...well...this

All that water goes through his butt crack...

The Quest

The main quest of this game is pretty cut and dry. Temples, Princess Zelda, Tri-Force, Ganon...dorf, Hyrule is saved. But where this game shines is not so much the quest itself, but the circumstances surrounding them. In Link to the Past, you had a purpose for going to the temples (save the sages), but aside from the item and heart container within them, that was your only motivation. This time around, there are storyline purposes to make it though the dungeons too. And as a story-driven games person, this was a huge plus for me. The first time I played this game I just wanted to play it. I didn't care about the story because it was a point-proving thing. This time, I took the time to enjoy it. And while I've seen many games with better stories, this one is well above average. This game weaves all of the dungeons together, especially after you become adult Link.

You go back to the Lost Woods to visit with Saria because she has called to you. After that, Death Mountain looks like it's about to erupt, so you visit the Goron's and find that they've all been captured.  After taking care of that, you feel the chill in the air from Zora's domain. Why is it frozen? Where are all the Zora? After taking care of that, you travel back to Kakariko Village to find Impa has gone missing. After that, you head to the desert in search of the final sage. You hear about this evil woman named Nabooru, who used to be a Robin Hood-esque thief but is now the right hand woman to Ganondorf. When you get to the Spirit Temple, you are forced to travel back in time to come back. When you do, you meet Nabooru and she's actually really nice! And you witness her capture that turns her into the evil woman you hear about! Holy shit, that is some deep time-travel story telling. It's all woven together really well, and really makes the dungeons have some weight for me.

That said, lets talk dungeons. The Spirit Temple was my favorite by far. I like the Egyptian aesthetics and the fact that you go though it in two halves was really cool. It's something I wish the other dungeons had done, because otherwise it was next to pointless to go back and be a kid again for the main quest. The Forest Temple was way more confusing than it needed to be, though that might be my fault. The Water Temple, for years, has been build up to be this incredibly daunting challenge. And while it did take me a while, it wasn't really hard. Just really, REALLY tedious. If you didn't have to pause the game, switch your boots, go to the different levels, pause again, take off your boots, play your ocarina, lower the water level, jump down, swim through a hallway, open the chest, raise the level...ugh...yeah. It's just as tedious as I just made it sound. It's just so boring. And the enemies respawn, so the whole time you're switching, things jump down from the top of the middle pyramid...thing and hit you. And you can't use your sword underwater, so you have to hope your hook shot hits whatever you're trying to hit and kills it. The water temple is a huge blemish on an otherwise great game. The only saving grace of it is the really fun boss fight.

The other dungeons are just sort of blah for me. They weren't bad by any means, but the layouts themselves were just nothing special. Some of them had some really nice aesthetics and themes, but they just don't jump at me as much as the others. I mean, the lava dungeon doesn't have an Iron Knuckle for me to fight. It just has some bats. But, at least the lava boss is cool. In fact...

The Bosses

All the bosses are really cool, especially the ones after you become adult Link. Not only are the bosses cool, but the mini-bosses are also cool. Out of nowhere in the Water Temple, you fight Shadow Link! And he kicked my ass, but it was a really awesome fight! The aforementioned Iron Knuckles are also a personal favorite. Bongo Bongo (from the Shadow Temple) and the Scorceress Sisters (from the Spirit Temple) are my absolute favorite fights in the game. The last thing I expected in the Shadow Temple was a giant bongo-playing ape demon? This fight had to have inspired Donkey Konga

Future review?

Finally though, after collecting the sages, finding out Sheik's secret, and returning to Hyrule Castle, you confront Ganondorf. This ending level is absolutely awesome. Going through mini sections of the former dungeons was great. Climbing the castle sets the tone for the fight that you're about to have. Finally, you reach a room where Ganondorf awaits. He zaps Navi away and you're left without a way to target him! Shit man! You volley his attacks back at him, a la Agahnim in the last game. But, the difference here is in Link to the Past, you were on a 2D plane. This time, it's 3D, and that actually makes this fight exciting. You have to make sure your aim is going to be spot on and the timing is different because things are traveling at an angle.

So you beat him and the game is over, right?

Wrong. Now you have to escape the castle before it crumbles, Metroid style! So you go though the castle you just climbed to escape your death. 

So, you escape the castle with the princess. Surely, that must be the end, right?

DOUBLE WRONG! Now you have to fight GANON! And this time, Navi is there. BUT! You lose your sword. So now what are you gonna do? Using your cunning, you find Ganon's weakness, wear him down enough to get your sword and continue the fight to the death! This fight is fucking awesome. All of the previous Ganon fights pale in comparison, even the last one which was in it's own right great. But this is something else entirely. Not only is this the best final boss of the series that i've played so far, but it might be in my top final boss fights ever. It is crazy awesome, and beating it at 5 a.m. really made this a wild ride.

Now, the part that people are going to be pissed about...

The Criticism

This game controls like total ass. I'm sorry, it just does. Link does not target anything you want him to. In fact, he'll try and look at mostly anything but what's in the room with him. I realize it was the first targeting system of it's time, but holy shit it is awful. And it's not just the targeting. Movement in this game is a chore in and of itself. Thankfully the platforming is pretty minimal, but when it does happen it is a nightmare. The Water Temple is particularly bad about this, as there are a couple of timed platforming spots that SHOULD be easy to get through, but Link decides where he's going to jump without your consent. He just give's no shits about the fact that missing a pillar will just kill you until you warp back into reality.

Don't even get me started on riding Epona. It is thankfully a very, VERY minimal (and optional) piece of the game, but it seems to me that figuring out her controls were an afterthought. Turning her is like turning that one shopping cart at Wal-Mart that has 3 busted wheels. The fact that I even won the race to keep her is a miracle of gaming. Actually, it was me glitching out Ingo, but y'know, same difference. I'm glad that the horse archery section never got incorporated into a boss fight or anything because if it had, this section would probably be a hell of a lot longer.

There are two things I hate in video games. Ice levels and water levels. This game has these two things back to back. It is the worst thing ever in the history of ever. Maybe that's a bit harsh, but I cannot STAND water or ice levels. The ice physics conbined with the already loose controls of this game just lead to frustration. There is a (thankfully) small section in the Ice Cavern where there's a spinning spike thing turning quickly in a circle in the middle of this room. It does not matter how cautiously I tried to get through this room, I could not do it. Chalk it up to me being bad at games if you want, but it's just awful.

Speaking of awful, the whole Jabu Jabu section is complete ass. The "dungeon" itself is hideous, escorting the snooty Princess Ruto is annoying, and I could not possibly want it to be over faster. 

Also, the music in this game, while being some of the most memorable from the series, is pretty unmemorable. Let me explain. All of the songs you collect for the ocarina are memorable. Song of Storms, Saria's Song, Zelda's Lulluby, Song of Time...they're all memorable. I know how to play a couple of them on a real ocarina. But, the warp songs like the Bolero of Fire are just...not. I can hum you the Sun's Song. I can't say the same for the Nocturne of Shadows. And worst of all, the dungeon music is all pretty boring and samey. The village soundtracks are fine. Kokiri Forest and Hyrule Town Square have some fun tunes, but the rest all sort of bleed together for me. The music seemed like a letdown to me considering how highly regarded this soundtrack is. 

Lets see, is there anything else? Yes, there is one. Now I want to stress right away that this one particular critique is purely a personal preference thing, but it was sort of the nail in the coffin moment for me the first time I tried to play this game. And it still bothers me.

So, you know how Ganondorf has taken over Hyrule and obstensibly the world when you wake up from your sleep? Well, when you walk out, Hyrule's Time Square is completely destroyed. Everyone is dead. There are zombies Re-Deads all over the grounds that were once bussling with people. The upbeat music that used to inhabit this area is gone. The sky is dark and brooding. It looks like the end of the world. So you run through the town square to outside the Castle grounds. Once you cross the bridge, you have to be thinking "what else could have happened out here?!"

The answer is nothing. Basically nothing happens. The overworld is still bright and colourful with the same upbeat music playing. Nothing on the surface seems to be in disarray. It is a total tonal buzzkill. And sure, after playing though this time, I found out that some characters were met with a depressing fate. Malon has his farm stolen. The Gorons are imprisoned. Zora's domain is frozen. The contractors get locked up in Gerudo Valley. That's all fine and dandy, but with such a drastic change in scenery inside the castle grounds, I just expected the whole world to be a little more...ominous.

 

Soon...

Final Thoughts

This game may not be my favorite of all time, but it definitely deserves to be ranked as high as it is. It is a spectacle, even for someone who's experiencing it 19 years after it was first released. And yeah, I have some complaints, but having complaints doesn't make a game bad by any means. No game is perfect, and I think a lot of people that have gone back to review this game only do it because they want to sing the games praises while ignoring it's flaws. No, this game is not perfect, but I've yet to play one that is. Hell, I gave Link to the Past a perfect ten and I still think it had flaws. It just depends on how glaring the flaws are weather they matter or not. Unfortunately, the transition to 3D produced more flaws than were here previously. It's a great game that unfortunately has aged too poorly for me to give it a perfect. I'm going to give Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time an 8 out of 10. Any trashing of this game I did before I played it can hereby be stricken from the records. 

I do, once again want to stress that I am judging these games are they are now, in 2017. I'm doing my best to block out how "revolutionary" a game is in it's time because I feel that if you are not judging something in the here and now you're being biased. A movie can be watched at anytime and judged for how it is now. Sometimes things don't age well. But sometimes they do. A movie like King Kong still looks great in 2017. The practical effects are a marvel and still hold up surprisingly well. Music is the same way. The Beatles aren't looked at as a band "of their time", they are just looked at as a band. Bands that are looked at as  "of there time" are bands like Kix and Ratt; bands that only survived because of the market at the time. 

I'm not going to judge these games on a handicap just because people like them. There are shitty Beatles songs that don't ruin an album but still need pointed out. There were shitty sections of this game that didn't ruin this game. But much like a shitty Beatles song, it brought it down a peg or two. That's just the nature of the beast.

Like the new set up? I thought it'd give the reviews a little more of a streamlined feel, y'know? Kind of got the idea from The Completionist. I dig his structure to his reviews, and I'm sort of aping it. So I hope you guys dig it too. I'll see you next time for The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.

The Zelda Project Part 2: A Link To The Past

Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past was a game I had never heard of until long after it's release. Despite the Super Nintendo being the first console I ever played, this kind of game was beyond what my family was buying. My Grandma liked games like Super Mario and Donkey Kong Country. My Mom liked fighting games like Mortal Kombat and Killer Instinct. And when I got the chance to get a game, it was something about super heroes or a Power Rangers game. We frequently rented games, but even then I mostly just kept renting Metal Warriors and Super Metroid.

Does anyone remember that screen in Donkey Kong Country 2 where you show the hero coins to Cranky Kong?

Hey look! Sonic's shoes and Earthworm Jim's gun!

Well, that was the first time I had ever seen Link. At the time, all I could think is "Who's the loser in the green dress? He's not even as good as Yoshi!" Yeah, three year old me had some sick insults. So this was all I knew about Link until I got Super Smash Bros. And even then, all I knew was that little bio they put with each character. He wasn't even in the commercial, so I had no visual. For one of the most popular Nintendo mascots of all time, he was a total mystery for most of my life.

I had some resentment for this game leading up to actually purchasing it. You see, once the internet started existing and I began my addiction to Top 10 lists, this game here was rated above MY favorite games on the SNES. Like, you're going to tell me this game with a kid in a green dress is better than Super Metroid?! I'm calling bullshit. 

When I actually bought the game and sat down to give it a shot, I thought it was kind of fun. But I only made it through the second pendant dungeon before I got bored and moved onto something else. And that's not the games fault, I have commitment issues sometimes with games. But this time, I buckled down and pushed through, and here are my thoughts.

The game starts similarly to the original. This time, that sweet start up screen comes in and is quickly swept away as the story is presented. An evil wizard named Agahnim has captured six of the descendants of the Seven Sages, who hold the power to the barrier keeping the Dark Lord Ganon in the Dark World. You are awoken to a telepathic message from Princess Zelda telling you she needs help. When you wake, your Uncle tells you to stay put. Being the rebellious kid you are, you go anyway. You make it to the dungeon of the castle, save Zelda, and are told to find three pendants to unlock the Master Sword, the sword of evils bane!

And so you do that, beat the Wizard and beat the game.

Except you don't. Agahnim captures Zelda, kills her keeper, and sends you to the Dark World to leave you for dead. When you arrive, you're told by your guide to defeat the dungeons of the Dark World to free the sages, and then to defeat Ganon himself to save both the Dark World and Hyrule! From this point you fight, explore, and quest to save the Princess and reconfigure the Tri-Force. You build up this huge arsenal of weapons and open up more and more of the world, in a similar vein to Metroid.

This game includes a lot of items and mechanics that have stayed in the series all the way to today. The two biggest ones in my mind are the Hook Shot and the Pieces of Heart. The hook shot changes the way rooms are laid out and overcome. There are a lot of clever puzzle rooms where you can use the hook shot to clear gaps. The best example is the treasure cave in the Death Mountain section, where you have to hook onto the chests and vases to get to all of the treasure and make it back alive. It's a fun little room that rewards you for going though it. 

The pieces of heart were an innovation that did two things in my eyes. One, it made the world seem more full. In the original, you would occasionally find a cave or a section you could boat to that would have a full heart container. But, despite the map being large, there were only five containers that were hidden in the world. The rest you just got by going through the dungeons. In Zelda 2, you just used experience points to extend your health meter. In Link to the Past, The map was bigger; much bigger. So it needed more items to fill the world with to make it seem alive. So, the containers were split into fours. And instead of just being found, sometimes they are prizes for mini games. Sometimes you have to solve a puzzle to get them. It was more than just bombing the right wall. The hearts were cleverly hidden or blocked off by a puzzle. Or required a specific item to get.

The other thing this did was make the world worth exploring. I finished the original Legend of Zelda without two of the heart containers because I accidentally chose a potion instead of one of them. The other I just didn't bother finding it. When finding one fills the whole thing, it just seems less exciting. It's not worth it. But when you have to do four times the work to gain a heart container, it seems more worth it. I NEEDED these hearts in this game, so I ventured out, scanning everywhere. And that led me to find a bunch of items that ended up being important to the quest. I found the invincibility staff thinking that the spiked hallway leading to it secretly lead to a heart container. The bottle under the bridge I found for the same reason. I found the quake medallion thinking it was going to be a heart container. All of the exploration I did for hearts kept me from getting stuck later and made the game flow a lot smoother. The incentive of hearts kept me going. That said, I still ended up without two full containers, so there is even more of this game that I STILL haven't seen.

The bosses in this game are a VAST improvement from the original. Before, the boss fight basically consisted of hitting the boss with your sword until it died. Unless it was a dodongo, then you just fed it bombs until it died. This time around, Link can dispatch the bosses in a multitude of different ways. Sometimes the bosses have weaknesses a la Mega Man. Sometimes your arrows can vanquish something in one hit that would take you four hits with the swords. Sometimes you need to expose a weakness with an item. It's a trope that is common in the series now, but this was the first time it was seen. 

The final boss fight is excellent as well. Last time around, Ganon just sort of warped around the map being invisible and you had to hope you hit him so you could shoot him with the light arrow. This time around, he has an actual fight. With an actual pattern. And it's awesome. Everything about the fight is awesome. I don't want to give too much away, just in case someone else reading this ALSO waited 25 years to play this game. But I will say I love that instead of having to trek through an entire dungeon to fight Ganon again if you lose, you can just climb back to where you entered the fight and get right back to it.

Now don't let all this positivity fool you. I have some complaints. For one, the game is a little too hand holding. The map is nice for the features, but it labels where all of the dungeons are, which order you're supposed to take them in, and shows the whole route to them. This might just be personal preference, but it just seems a bit much to me, especially in comparison to the original. That's not to say that I mind being pointed in the right direction, but I think it should be a bit more hands off, And to be fair, the game does start doing more of that towards the end of it.

My other complaint, which is definitely personal preference, is that I'm not a fan of the pallet choices in the game. I liked the darker colours and tones of the original game and this one is a bit to bright and shiny for me. Even the Dark World goes for a cooler pallet than it should. It doesn't look so much dark as it does look like the fall season in Stardew Valley. Especially considering the tone of the game as a whole, the colourful environment just soured me a bit. That said, the game DOES look beautiful. The pixel work is stunning; everything is lush with detail. It's just not the direction I would have wanted them to go.

So, there you have it. Arguably the greatest SNES game of all time is, indeed, a great game. It looks great, sounds great, has a great story, and has some of the tightest controls of any 16-bit game ever. I loved every second of this game. I did have some complaints, but they are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things. This game deserves all of the praise it has gotten over the years, and I am going to give it a perfect 10 out of 10. If you have waited as long as I have to played this game, then please, seek it out and play it. It's as close to perfect as you can probably get.

The Zelda Project: Prologue

So, Legend of Zelda. It's, like, a pretty good game. It is exactly what the name states: a legend. One of the most iconic series in video game history! Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, up until I was in college i had never played one.

I'll let that sink in for everyone. We good? Okay, cool.

So, how does someone who loves video games SO much miss out on such an iconic franchise? I don't know, I guess i was just too busy playing Mega Man X and Super Metroid. Fantasy games never really intrigued me, and Zelda fell into that category for me. In fact, when I first got Super Smash Bros. for my N64, I didn't even know what game Link was from. The fact that he ended up being my main character, even above mah gurl Samus Aran, is sort of ironic in that regard. I didn't know what Ocarina of Time was, I had no idea why he was so prominent among characters that I KNEW like Mario and Donkey Kong. Hell, looking at the roster of the original game, it's between Link and Star Fox of who I cared about less, which to any other Nintendo fan would probably some sort of blasphemy.

Also this kid, whoever he is. Ninten or whatever? Who cares...

And, suddenly, in college, I was called out. Playing as Link in Super Smash Bros with my newly made friends, I was questioned for my opinion on the "best Zelda game". The faces of the people around when I said I had never played one made it seem like I made a Jesus joke in the middle of Jerusalem. And then I was told about how amazing these games were and that I needed to play Ocarina of Time to "earn" my right to play as Link. And sure, I had seen Ocarina on every "Top 100 Games Ever" list, but even as a man who loves his lists, I still take those things with a grain of salt. Hell, Undertale won a "Best Games Ever" list a couple months after it came out. Like, how do you judge something that soon? It's not like Star Wars was considered a classic the second it came out. It's only in hindsight that something is considered a masterpiece.

And, enough time has passed. and pretty much every Legend of Zelda game is considered a "Masterpiece" by a gamers. So I played Ocarina of Time. Aaaaaaaaaand, I hated it. I thought it was too wordy, too slow, ugly, clunky, and straight up boring. And the moment I THOUGHT it was about to become amazing, when I thought it was going to go through a drastic tonal shift, it just...doesn't. It's a bait and switch, but one that I'll get into when I play it again.

So, yeah, I was pretty disheartened with the whole thing. I was disappointed and even felt guilty that I used Link after having this revelation. So I thought "Man, there has to be SOME Zelda game I like"

So I played the first one. And I liked it. And then my old roommate, Jeff, made me play Zelda 2 with him. And I liked that one too. And then, when I got a Wii U, they gave me Wind Waker HD. And I LOVED it! And I bought a Link to The Past and played that. And it was...fine, I guess.

The problem with all of this is...I only finished one of them. Zelda 2 ended up being a lost cause, Link to The Past just didn't grasp me when I had Super Metroid and Marsbound or whatever that Lucas game is on the same system. And I got stuck in Wind Waker. So the only one I ever beat was the original.

But I loved a lot of things from the games I never finished. I liked the open oceans of Wind Waker. I loved the presentation of Link to the Past. I uh...played Zelda 2. 

Dick sword

Anyway, I liked them enough to get me to start collecting some of the Zelda games. Enough to get me to buy A Link Between Worlds and beat it and think it was absolutely amazing. And enough to get me hype for The Legend of Zelda: Breath of The Wild, an upcoming game that will be the first Zelda game I buy at launch. This brings me to the main point of all of this. This leads to what this is all about. 

The Zelda Project as I'm calling it is me playing and beating several Legend of Zelda games leading up to playing Breath of The Wild. The catch is, in addition to playing and beating the games, I'm going to review them. A couple of these will be first time plays for me, so they will be honest first impression takes. Others will be just finishing a game I'd never made it though.

This project will include the following games: The Legend of Zelda, A Link To The Past, Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, and Wind Waker. I may or may not be reviewing Breath of The Wild as well, and might do a write up on A Link Between Worlds, but it's up in the air right now. It's a project that I want to do to understand the hype behind these games; an outsiders perspective on what is so mesmerizing about a kid in a green tunic rescuing a princess. I want to feel what so many other people feel about these games. I want to understand what I missed out on as a kid and find out if that magic is still there for an adult to enjoy their first time. No nostalgia, just pure first (or, in some cases, second) impressions. But, i'm getting ahead of myself. As for now, I urge you to stay tuned. The first review will be coming this coming Thursday (February 23rd)! And I'm really excited about it.