It all started in October of 2008, when i saw a poster before a movie. I stopped at Coldstone Creamery because...well...it's Coldestone man, it's goddamn delicious. As i were leaving, i saw this:
The Poster
I thought to myself "Huh...Dare to Dream? $500 bucks and you get to record a song? Sure, whatever."
I asked my friend Tyler if i could borrow his acoustic guitar and if he'd give me a ride to Findlay. He said yes, and we were off. I gathered up $10 and we went. We pulled up to Coldstone Creamery and there was this little trailer there with DARE TO DREAM written across the side in big, bold, star-spangled letters. There was a woman with big, curly blonde hair and a man in a turtleneck sweater standing outside the "studio". As Tyler and I left the car, my confidence slowly fizzled out. Each step became heavier and heavier as sweat began to collect on my brow. I swerved to the right, breaking my line from going straight to the RV to instead turning right, heading into Coldstone.
The people outside the trailer followed me in...
"Hi there! We saw that you have a guitar with you. Are you going to come and record something for us?!" The woman with the big, curly blonde hair asked, behind a toothy grin, adjusting her glasses.
I silently nodded, mustering up the best grin i could, hiding my unrelenting stress. I pick up the guitar and head to the trailer. I walk in and meet with their sound engineer. He directs me into the recording room, and says "when the red light goes on, you're good to start"
The light goes on, and my fingers start their dance upon the frets. All of the stress went away as I started singing and strumming. I finished, the light went off, and i went on with my day. I got to keep a copy of the CD, which i'm sure my Mom or Grandma have somewhere around the house.
Three weeks later, i received an email from the curly haired woman saying that i was one of the finalists! I got to perform live in a mall! Just like Tiffany!
So...does anyone get this joke? No? Okay...
And this is where things start getting interesting. So, at this point i had only been playing guitar for a year or so. I'm self taught, which means that i was not only a shitty teacher, but a fairly shitty player. And, in an effort to become a better player, i opted to learn and play something bigger for the live performance. Something that had an actual backing band, something that would require me to actually LEARN something. Not just four chords. I opted to pick one of my favorite songs: Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd.
Anyone that knows me on a personal level knows that i have a hard time keeping myself motivated. So, instead of just keeping this live performance a me-thing, i contacted a friend named Jake and asked him to make flyers to pass out at school. I made a facebook page, i had my principal announce over the schools intercom that i was involved in this contest. I rallied my friends and family to not only vote for me to win, but to come see me play. That meant that not only would random people be there to see me, and not just my family, but my peers, who would give me shit for the rest of high school if a screwed up. Well...at least that's what was going though my mind to drive me forward.
I practiced hours on end, day after day until the day finally came in January.
I dropped of my incredibly meager gear at the stage. My starter fender amp that couldn't have had bigger than a 8" speaker in it with very low wattage and my Squire Stratocaster. I had to borrow a distortion pedal from my friend Matt because i didn't own one, and i found a backing track on the internet that i used to back me while playing. I eagerly awaited my time as the crowd gathered. My friends and even teachers started showing up, coming up to me wishing me luck.
I was the 7th person to go up on stage. My palms started sweating as my entire body started shaking. For the first time, i was alone performing. Hell, for the first time in my life i was alone, period. Despite the crowd, i was alone in my own world. The only thing i could hear was my heart beating.
The backing track started and i took flight. I felt like i was on top of the world. My hands slid up and down the fretboard, i gained confidence with every measure of the song, every drum beat. In my head, i sounded exactly like David Gilmour & Roger Waters (at once, awkwardly).
I was once these two men...
I walked off the...well...area of floor that they called the stage to a roar of applause. At least as much as applause can roar inside of a mall. Hell, i got an applause during the middle of the guitar solo. That, my friends, is how you know you've done great. My mom, aunt, and grandma all came up to hug me and congratulate me, all of my best friends came up to me, my choir director said that i had done great. Again, i was on top of the world.
This is pretty much how i felt, in a cat gif
As I made my way to the food court to get a lemonade, the man in the turtleneck and the woman with the big, curly blonde hair announced that the next three performers were the top three of the contest. Which meant that I lost. Which meant that all of my hard work, in my mind had gone to waste. I walked back with my overpriced lemonade, defeated. I sat for the rest of the show, being admittedly underwhelmed with the other performers. That might just be arrogance, but i felt that the reaction i got alone should have shown that i was the best.
At any rate, as i made my way to grab my equipment and leave, a man came up to me and stopped me.
"Man, you should have won that thing! You owned that stage man, you were way better than the girl that won!" And he just went on and on. I smiled and thanked him profusely. It made me feel so good about what I had done, how I had performed. I felt free.
Years down the line, I looked back at the tape. I was horribly out of tune, i fretted some wrong notes. In short, i screwed up a lot. I am my own worst critic, and i would have given myself minus five stars (-***** for the visual person). I am completely ashamed of how it turned out, and I never talked about it. In fact, when my best friend Troy brought it up early last year, i flat out refused to acknowledge that i ever played the song.
Now, years later, I'm not only acknowledging it, but i'm embracing it. This one event taught me more about life than anything else i've experienced today. And it was just a performance at a mall.
Preparing for this taught me to stay motivated, even if it's by making up some bullshit stakes to make it happen. This is still something that i struggle with, but when i do need the motivation, this is how i do it. It taught me that, just because you work hard for something, doesn't mean you are going to get what you want. Or that things will turn out how you picture them. I imagined me on a stage, running to the edge as my friends surrounded the front, cheering me on. I also expected to win the $500 and buy some better equipment and perform on the same stage as Billy Ray Cyrus.
No, seriously, that was part of the prize
It taught me that your efforts don't go unnoticed. I have no idea if that man was just trying to make me feel better or honestly thought that i did great, but he recognized that i tried and his words made me want to keep trying to be better. And finally, it taught me to never forget the past, but to let it go too. I felt fantastic after i performed, terrible when i lost, and i never wanted to play again after i heard the recording. I had a sense of failure that took months to shake,
If i had stayed in that rut, i probably would not have sought out all of the musical ventures I have been through. There is no Viking Choral (aka varsity choir), there is no Easy Target or Your Chosen Enemy (two bands i played in during high school and freshman year of College), and no Rhythm and Roos (an A Cappella group i was King* of for a while)
Pictured: My loyal subjects
So, what's the point of all this? Why write about what is essentially an embarrassing performance where I didn't live up to my expectations? Was it just to talk about my emotions like some teenager with a Tumblr account?
Well, I already talked about how it taught me about life. But more importantly, it's relevant to the time of year. It's a new year, and a lot of people are entering into a "New Year, New Me" attitude. And sometimes, it comes from a year that has not been the best to them. I am one of those people, and I am looking to make this year less 50/50 on the scale of good to bad and more on the good side of the scale. This doesn't need to mean self improvement, maybe it's just getting in some routine.
Well, I already talked about how it taught me about life. But more importantly, it's relevant to the time of year. It's a new year, and a lot of people are entering into a "New Year, New Me" attitude. And sometimes, it comes from a year that has not been the best to them. I am one of those people, and I am looking to make this year less 50/50 on the scale of good to bad and more on the good side of the scale. This doesn't need to mean self improvement, maybe it's just getting in some routine.
The point is, you dictate your life. Set your goals and do what you can, and if last year wasn't your year, make it this year. Learn from the past, and turn it into something positive. Push forward, and don't let your failures stop you from bettering yourself
And here's a closing inspirational quote on a picture
And here's a closing inspirational quote on a picture
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